One year on: what I would like my friends to know 

I am so lucky to have a support network who have been with me over the past few years – my mum and boyfriend, as well as lovely friends from high school, university and the local Green Party. Also the wonderful friends I’ve met through the online M.E community. I recently read a quote – “Those who matter don’t mind, and those who mind don’t matter”. I think this quote is wonderful, because the friends I have now, even if they may not understand exactly what I’m going through (I don’t think anyone can unless they’ve had a severe chronic illness), I still feel accepted and loved for who I am. And that is a wonderful thing to feel, when I have been dismissed and hurt and made to feel like I’m just not trying hard enough and am not good enough, by lots of other people (mostly doctors and psychiatrists who really have no business in “treating” M.E). I still do feel lonely and I think that’s to be expected, because I do not see or interact with anywhere near as many people as I used to every day because I am no longer going into London – over the past year I have been predominantly housebound and for periods mostly bedbound, which is why I am lucky to have a support network around me.

So I’m writing this blog post to explain my illness in a way that makes sense to my friends and those who don’t have much experience of this illness.. I hope it helps for you to understand more about me.  Continue reading “One year on: what I would like my friends to know “

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It’s ok to not be happy all the time!

Over the past few months, I have come to realise that aiming to be positive all the time and rejecting and resisting negative thoughts doesn’t work. More than that, it’s not good for us because we beat ourselves up when things go differently. I think it’s important to acknowledge that there are times when we haven’t been able to be happy, and it’s ok.

Last week, I was very ill with a virus, and it completely knocked me out. I literally couldn’t leave my bed and felt as ill as I did during my flare last September. I couldn’t stand without the dizziness becoming too much, I couldn’t eat solid food. While I was feeling this ill, negative thoughts resurfaced.

Over the past few months, I had started doing yoga and meditation and had even started eating very healthily, and felt like I was getting better. So when a small virus managed to hurt me this much, I felt very down. A virus had never affected me this much before, and I felt like my search to get better was fruitless. Why was I becoming more ill? At the time, I ended up speaking to someone, and told them I was very sad that I was still ill despite all my lifestyle changes when others had managed to get better. 

Continue reading “It’s ok to not be happy all the time!”